Non-negotiable Statements

We all have those momentary regrets when we wish we hadn’t committed to something. You know the feeling, as your energy sinks sitting there over dinner with a new grad from the selling you anything program. You knew it was coming when the invitation came your way and you were a little surprised that your brain agreed to the proposal without question even though it was the same night as your child’s soccer game.

The trick to staying out of these situations is being very disciplined about your list of non-negotiables. Having a list, which is the first step, allows you to depend on predetermined life rules that you follow without having to think or even feel bad about evoking the rule. In this example your list would include: (1) I will attend all of my child’s soccer games and (2) I believe that pyramid sales arrangements are detrimental to relationships so I won’t participate in them or purchase from them. (Don’t mean to offend anyone, this is just one of mine.)

Your list should be no more than 10 or so really important pre-made decision points that you’ve given great thought to before you place them on the list making it far easier to make a quick decision when the occasion arises. It’s also instructive, when time permits, to tell someone who has asked you to violate your list, what a non-negotiable list is and how you use it to better define and manage your life.

Non-negotiable will vary wildly from person to person but they all follow certain parameters. Items on the list should be those circumstances that are more subtle than expected moral guides. For example a non-negotiable list would not include prohibition from dating others when you are married or destroying your neighbors garden. These are expected norms and you really shouldn’t have to think about whether they are right or wrong. Your non-negotiable list will include pre-made decisions that you have likely not followed in the past to your disappointment.

Non-negotiable statements should cover decisions that you have been called on in the past to quickly respond to -- such as “I won’t agree to a private lunch with someone of the opposite sex unless I inform my spouse of the “when and where” ahead of time. (One of my own.) Your list helps set parameters to situations that could be a problem, mis-interpreted or something that you just don‘t want to do.

Non-negotiable lists can also be developed for your office or family, creating a rule set that all will know the importance of and will use as a pre-made decision that develops a cultural norm for the environment.

Let your non-negotiable list serve as your protection system to maintain your integrity, productivity and energy.

Here are a few suggested non-negotiable statements to stimulate your thinking:

I won’t schedule any meetings before 8 a.m.
I will always be home for dinner with my family.
I won’t let my car gas tank get below a quarter tank.
I won’t be on the computer while in bed.
I will only use a debit card or cash for my purchases.
I will close my office door and I am not to be disturbed on Tuesdays.
I will not give my email address to people I do not know.
I will have breakfast with my best friend every third Saturday of the month.
I will have a time of meditation from 6 a.m. to 7 a.m. daily.
I will clean my closet every second Saturday of the month.
I will leave work everyday with my inbox empty.
I will not text message while driving.
I will stand up when someone enters my office to shorten the conversation.
I will return voice messages at 3 p.m. daily.
I will not meet with Bill unless he makes an appointment.