Dishonoring Parents

The church will soon find itself in the midst of a looming storm. This storm is a battle between generations; adult children versus parents. As a self-centered generation of baby boomers are faced with the "inconvenience" of caring for their parents, cultural clouds will darken. Read more about how lay leadership and pastors can prepare for the darkening sky in this article found at our sister site.

Effectively Prioritizing

Leaders should set priorities. I say "should" because, all too often, leaders let the priorities and agendas of others side-track the organization.

We let the last minute panic of others (usually caused from their own lack of planning) pop up and steal our day. We get pushed down dead end trails running after errant stakeholders. We waste time reorienting ourselves after our attention is distracted for non-strategic matters.

Leaders should set priorities. Think of the "setting" as in setting something in concrete. Assuming that priorities are seated firmly within the strategy of the organization, priorities should not change without abundant discussion, contemplation and analysis. Running up against opposition does not warrant a changing of the strategy embedded priority. If priorities changed, then strategy should have changed as well.

Priorities, if properly chosen, are the stepping stone goals that will move you and your team toward accomplishing your purpose. Priorities serve as the guard rails for the organization to ensure coordination of effort and direction of movement.

An entity that does not respect and defend their priorities will create a culture that lacks accountability and efficiency. The culture becomes one of individuality and disconnection. Efforts are disjointed and lack focus. Multiple paths to no where are entrenched as "the way we do things around here" without priorities.

Priorities should be as sacred as mission to the leader. They are the boundaries in which you will succeed.

Best Practices

The business world is flush with buzz words such as "best practices." However, of all the adages created by the corporate community, "best practices" is one of the more descriptive and beneficial to follow.

A church is certainly not a business and in most cases is better off not trotting down the trail of fads that business entities gleefully follow. The search for "best practices" though is a beneficial goal for the church community and can come in many forms. Here are a few places to seek out those best practices for your congregation:

1. Start with the Bible. Christ was careful to map out for us how His message effectively flows through the people of His creation. At their core, people have not changed. They still seek the same things that Christ addressed. Carefully consider the manner in which the early church engaged with people to find the best practices of approach and execution.
2. Be a student of organizations represented in your congregation. Seek out casual conversations with lay leaders in your church to learn what is working best in their business, school, civic organization. How are they communicating with people? What are their goals for next year? How are roles assigned according to those goals? What motivates people toward action in their organization?
3. Read widely. Subscribe to Google Reader to track articles from innovative publications of best practices such as Fast Company. As you read, make notes in your paper or online based capture system. Look for application not just information.
4. Have courage to experiment. Effective organizations are willing to try new things. Unfortunately, churches usually are not. Be honest with your congregation ahead of time that it is a trial and their support during and input after is critical.
5. Recruit a "sister church" to share ideas and resources. Much like the once popular municipal trend for cities to have a sister city in the East or Europe, the same can apply to a church. Find a like-minded pastor to share ideas and resources. Visit each other's campus and meetings. Organize the manner in which you will share ideas and materials (set up a shared page on BackPack) to make it easy to share and navigate.

The search for best practices can be an encouraging and beneficial activity that the lay leaders of your church can become involved with and benefit from.

Improving Personal Discipline

There has been some recent research that indicates the development of discipline in general has a "spill-over" effect in other areas of our life. The analogy is that a runner who develops his or her ability to run further and faster can use that developed skill in various applications. Whether running from danger or climbing a ladder, the level of fitness developed will improve one's ability to perform various tasks. Discipline works in much the same way.

As we develop the discipline of keeping our work space organized, we become more apt to apply the same skill to keeping our car and closet organized as well. The fitness of discipline goes beyond like tasks though. Having discipline in general allows us to be more disciplined in all aspects of our life. Being diligent about showing up on time, will make us more apt to stick with healthy eating habits. Discipline, as it turns out, is a muscle that moves in all directions.

If you are struggling with the lack of discipline in any area, begin to build discipline in the things that you find to be enjoyable or easy. The building of this discipline will eventually be applicable to all aspects of your life. Simply be disciplined.

In Private

As Microsoft prepares to release their new Explorer 8, the benefits of the new "In Private" mode for searching stealthily through the online world are hinting to some morally distracting features.

"The feature, called InPrivate, has been dubbed in some blog postings as 'porn mode', because it also hides the browsing history from other people using the same computer." - newspaper article

Buried within the benefit of hiding one's presence from the ever lurking Google ad machinery, the new Explorer 8 release reminds us that the already cancerous impact of online porn will become even more difficult for parents, spouses and friends to discover. Morality will never be enforced by online screening tools, however, an early detection system can be helpful in fighting this growing moral plague.

Encourage your church leadership to stay ever vigilant in the battle for the mind. There are many lives at stake that depend on your insistence.

Difficult Conversations

Seems that church is a lab of sorts for difficult conversations. Most of these conversations should have a happy ending -- bringing healing to a relationship. They often don't because we avoid difficult conversations.

Where there are people there will be difficult conversations. People tend to create controversy. Egos are played out. Things are said that should have been kept quiet. Bad attitudes go undetected until too late. Secret agendas suffocate the good intentions of others. Mistakes are seen as targets to be fired upon rather than part of the journey of living.

Whatever the source, the dynamics of being a church will result in the need for difficult conversations. The need is always there, the desire to act on that need is often rare.

Most people avoid having a "heart to heart" with someone else. We wish that issues would simply fix themselves and we ignore the symptoms that the issue is growing worse. We do not like to talk to others about issues that could upset them. We fear confrontation, reprisal and the hurtful words in response that may follow. No doubt, engaging in a conversation that intends to address a difficult situation leaves us open to these risks. In the end, however, it is worth it and it is our responsibility to pursue the healing dialogue.

If you have a difficult conversation on your horizon, consider these helpful tips:

1. Timing is very important. A difficult conversation cannot be accomplished in a hallway passing. Pick a time when you feel the other person will have the fewest distractions and be the most rested.
2. Location, location, location. Find a place for your meeting that is private as well as a neutral territory. The chance that your conversation will be overheard or interrupted will significantly minimize the depth of the conversation.
3. Offer a generic yet meaningful invitation. If you are too specific in your invitation to meet -- "Hey Bob, I've been wanting to ask you why you are a jerk to the rest of the team so how about we get together for coffee tonight" -- will allow the other to build up the steam of defensiveness prior to your meeting. Instead go with: "Bob, would you have some time for me this week? I'd like to talk with you about something important."
4. Be prepared to walk down the path of denial, victimization and possibility. In other words, it will take some time for the other person to see themselves in the role that you describe them. We don't often see ourselves as others do, so give them some time to deny, point to others and then gradually accept there may be a shred of truth in this conversation.
5. Insist on getting back together. Don't leave them to struggle in isolation with what you have dropped in their lap. Ask them to think about it a couple of days and to call you or plan to get back together. The greatest potential for discipleship and healing comes in the follow-up.
6. Stay true to your promises. If you promise confidentiality, not a word to anyone else. If you promise support, stay as close as a brother. If you promise to engage the assistance of others, do so without fail.
7. Learn from the mistakes of others. To be an effective encouragement in our church, we must always realize we too are capable of the same offenses we discuss with others. The humility of walking with someone through a struggle should be a constant reminder that we have our own failings. Someone who has walked through the journey becomes an effective guide for others who stray off the intended path.

The ability to effectively engage in difficult conversations places a tremendous responsibility on you to be the keeper of the faith in your church. Don't deny the opportunities that present or the ability to improve this important obligation to others.

How to Respect Your Pastor

It's not something we as lay leaders say out loud but we think it. We generally think of pastors respecting our leadership not the other way around. After all, we conclude, that we lead "real organizations" in the "real world" with challenges that far exceed the study and preach routine of a pastor.

You may not admit it, even to yourself, but most lay leaders have been there. It is an inappropriate view of all involved.

I believe that being a pastor is one of the hardest "jobs" known to man. Their leadership skills are tried and challenged every single day by church members and leaders who do not respect their abilities or authority. We often see the pastor as someone who was brought into this world by a committee and can be easily taken out of this world by committee. We underestimate the amount of personal challenge they experience in their role. They need and are due our respect.

In general, to fully respect someone, we must understand who they are as a person and what they are encountering in their journey. This is difficult information to garner from a pastor. They are often not at liberty to share with us the who and what of their difficult day. They are not comfortable sharing with us their genuine feelings and frustrations. Pastors often isolate themselves internally to project an external persona as expected by their congregation.

To respect we must understand and to understand we must gain trust. Gaining and cherishing a pastor's trust is an important element of becoming an exceptional lay leader. It takes quiet times of listening to your pastor's fears, goals and frustrations without judging or offering the bullet points of generic success. The trust building conversations will start small and inconsequential. Your pastor must learn they can trust you. When they find that you break that trust, you will not have the opportunity to respect them. When they find that you step up to champion their cause and their performance, they will begin to trust your motives as genuine.

If you distrust your pastor, it is your obligation to remedy that relationship. Our pastor is given obligations by God on our behalf. God has given us obligations as lay leaders to respect that authority and pastoral position in meaningful way. End the cycles of distrust in your church by reaching out to your pastor with respect.